During this challenge, you’re going to put all of your energy into being patient, kind, joyful, honest, and loving. Think of your significant other before you think of yourself. After a few days, you’ll find it gets easier and easier. As you practice doing these acts of love on a daily basis, you’ll find that they will become more natural to you. What was once challenging is now just a habit. 🙂
So why is the love challenge 21 days? It’s 21 days because it actually takes 21 days to form a habit. So, it’s not just theoretical that these challenges will become easier. After 21 days they will actually begin to feel more natural and like a daily habit!
Who’s this challenge for? Anyone can do this challenge! Whether you’re male or female, you’ve been married for 10 years, or you’ve only been on one date. By putting these simple challenges into practice, you’ll find it’s the perfect way to get your relationship off to a great start or spice up a relationship that’s been going for years.
Are you ready to start the 21-Day Love Challenge? Let’s go!
If you want this love challenge as a print out, just click the image below to download. 🙂
21-Day Love Challenge
Day 1: I challenge you and your significant other to take the 5 Love Languages test
I am starting off with taking the 5 Love Languages test because it will form the basis of the rest of the 21-day love challenge! Have you heard of the book called The 5 Love Languages? If not, I highly recommend picking up a copy and giving it a read! It’s fascinating and completely changed my perspective on how to show my spouse love.
The 5 Love Languages is a book written by senior associate pastor Gary Chapman. After countless marriage counseling sessions, Gary began to realize a common theme. Couples seemed to be speaking different “languages” when it came to how they give and receive love. He broke the “love languages” down into 5 basic categories: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
By understanding how you and your significant other express and receive love, you will begin to form a closer and more loving bond. So, what are you waiting for? Find out your love language, take the test now! Psst, its free.
Day 2: I challenge you to say nothing negative all day to your significant other
Controlling the words that comes out of our mouths is one of the hardest things to do. And I am speaking from personal experience. If you want a long-lasting relationship, learning to control your tongue will go a long way in forming a kind and loving connection.
A few bible verses on controlling the tongue are:
- “The tongue has the power of life and death.” (Proverbs 18:21)
- “Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent and discerning if they hold their tongues.” (Proverbs 17:28)
- “Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.” (Proverbs 12:19)
Day 3: I challenge you to do an unexpected act of kindness to your significant other
I mean, who doesn’t love a good surprise? Now that you’re put on the spot, I bet you’re having trouble thinking of even one simple thing. Here’s a tip, remember your significant other’s love language from Day 1? Try to do an act of kindness that is their primary love language.
But in case you need some more help, here’s some ideas for you:
- Tell your significant other you love them (words of affirmation)
- Put your phones away and go out to dinner (quality time)
- Give your significant other surprise flowers (receiving gifts)
- Wash the dishes (acts of service)
- Give your significant other a massage (physical touch)
Day 4: I challenge you to make a list of the top 5 reasons you love your significant other
You fell in love (or are currently falling in love) with your significant other for a reason. Sometimes it helps to write it down and see it on paper exactly why you love them. Do they make you laugh? Do they have a heart of gold? Are they dead sexy? (Yep, I went there..? )
Whatever it is that makes them special to you, write it down and carry it around with you. Put it in your wallet or purse, and pull it out whenever you need a reminder.
Day 5: I challenge you to make your significant other’s favorite meal for dinner
Does this scenario ring a bell? It’s 6:30pm and you’ve just gotten home from work. You’re. So. Tired. And. So. Hungry. The thought of whipping up a yummy meal seems painful. Okay then, Chinese take-out and Netflix it is. Or if you’re like me and you’re really lazy, you’re gonna heat up some banana and peanut butter on toast and call it a night.
But what if you come home to a nice homemade meal served by yours truly (and by yours truly I mean your significant other…not me, lol)?
So here it is. This is today’s challenge: make your significant other’s favorite meal. You can do it.
Day 6: I challenge you to text your significant other and say hello “just because you were thinking of them”
There is nothing that sends me butterflies faster than a sweet “just because” gesture. Even if their response is something like, “Is that all you wanted? OMG you’re so silly”. Do it. Just do it! The thought goes a long way.
Day 7: I challenge you to plan a movie night with your significant other
Showing kindness and love doesn’t have to break the bank. Plan a movie night! Let your significant other choose the movies, go get some popcorn and snacks, and have a movie night cuddle sesh!
Day 8: I challenge you to greet your significant other with a smile and enthusiasm
This one’s more for the couples who have been dating a long time. Do you still greet each other with a kiss? Do you even look up from your phone?
Try looking them directly in the eyes with a big smile. Show them you’re happy to see them.
Do you want these love challenges as a print out? Just click the image below!
Day 9: I challenge you to wait 5 seconds before responding to something you don’t agree with
Raise your hand if you’ve ever said something in the heat of the moment that you didn’t mean. Everyone should have their hand in the air. A great way of not doing this is to take a 5 second breather before responding.
Clear your head. Let your emotions calm down for a second. Then respond when you feel ready.
Communication is key with relationships. It doesn’t mean your opinion has to be suppressed, it just means you can make an intentional effort to speak out of love and kindness, even when you don’t agree or see eye to eye.
Day 10: I challenge you to wake up early and make breakfast for your significant other
Dinner is nice, but there’s something so special about making breakfast for someone. Maybe it’s because it’s morning, and the day is still fresh and bright and full of possibilities. Work hasn’t gotten you down. The stress of life hasn’t begun yet.
Instead, in the morning you have those few peaceful minutes of coffee and breakfast, and can enjoy that beautiful morning sun.
BONUS FOR MARRIED COUPLES: Serve your husband/wife breakfast in bed. 😉
Day 11: I challenge you to buy something for your significant other “just because…”
Before you even think it, buying something for your significant other does not have to be expensive. But hey, if you want to buy something expensive, by all means go for it!
I find that more than the BIG gestures, it’s the consistent little things that keeps that spark alive. Even if it’s $5 or less. Just a little something can mean a big deal because you’re showing your significant other you thought of them.
Day 12: I challenge you to tell your significant other they look beautiful/handsome today
A compliment is like a verbal ray of sunshine. Mark Twain once said he could live for two months on a good compliment.
Practice the love language “words of affirmation” here. Affirm your significant other. Tell them they’re beautiful. Their skin has never looked clearer. Their hair never shinier. Today, throw compliments around like confetti.
Day 13: I challenge you to have a conversation with your significant other and don’t interrupt at all. Listen to how their day was
This one speaks mostly to all the ladies. As a fellow member of the female gender, I am guilty too. It is so hard to not interject and say what’s on your mind. But that’s not a conversation.
A conversation is not a one-way street. A conversation has two lanes, and goes both ways. Today I challenge you to be patient and really listen to what the other person has to say.
Day 14: I challenge you to ask your significant other their favorite memory from their childhood
So yesterday we practiced conversing without interjecting, but today learn something new about each other. If you already know their favorite memory from their childhood, get creative!
People are so complex, you can be with someone for 10 years and still be getting to know them.
Day 15: I challenge you to forgive your significant other for something they did to you
The Bible asks us to forgive. Trust me when I say, forgiveness is like, a big deal. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”.
Is there something in your heart that you’ve struggled letting go of? Does the memory still leave a wound? Take that to God. Ask Him to help you forgive. God can soften your heart, and help you to forgive your significant other.
In case this is hard for you, here is a sample prayer:
16. I challenge you to hold hands when walking down the street
Have you ever seen an old couple who still hold hands when walking down the street? It is like, THE CUTEST THING. I want to be that old couple someday. (And I mean in terms of cuteness…not in terms of simply getting old. Just wanting to clarify…?)
Anywho, sometimes I feel we can underestimate the small things. Hold hands. Throw your arm around her when sitting down. Show them that you care.
Day 17: I challenge you to give your significant other a foot massage
I can already hear you…a foot massage? Why a foot massage? Why not a regular massage?
Okay okay, let me explain. First of all, foot massages are amazing. Second of all, there’s just something about massaging or even cleaning someone’s feet.
I can see you’re confused, so let’s look at it biblically. In Luke 7:37 a woman washes Jesus’ feet with her tears, and dried them with her hair. She even kissed them and rubbed them with perfume. Why would she do this?
Then in John 13:5 Jesus poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet. Why?
Washing of feet (but I’m only asking you to massage) is a humbling experience. It represents humility and servanthood. In biblical times, washing feet was actually the role of the lowliest of servants. But when Jesus came to earth he washed feet. Matthew 20:20 says Jesus came “not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many”.
So, by giving this foot massage, think of it as a humbling experience. Doing something for your significant other that represents serving them the way Jesus served us.
Is the list getting long? Just click the below image to print them out!
Day 18: I challenge you to pray for wisdom on how to be a better husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend
Praying for wisdom is one of the most powerful things you can do for your relationship. It’s amazing what can happen we just ask God for help. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you”.
This is such an awesome promise! God says he will give wisdom generously to us when we ask, how amazing! Sometimes arguments with couples comes from not fully understanding or communicating well with each other. Pray for help in this area! Pray for understanding.
To help you out, here’s a sample pray on how to pray:
Day 19. I challenge you to love a new idea for 5 seconds
I can already hear your response, “what does that challenge even mean???”.
Has any of these scenarios ever happened to you:
- You really want to go to Hawaii: You bring up the idea but your significant other immediately gives you 10 reasons why that’s not possible this year.
- You’ve been thinking of going back to school: You bring up the idea and your significant other immediately gives you 10 reasons why that’s a terrible idea.
- You’re ready to have children: You bring up the idea but your significant other immediately gives you 10 reasons why that’s not possible right now.
Do you see a trend? Even if you have a valid reason for why a new idea is not a good fit right now, work on loving it for 5 seconds anyway. I’m not asking you to not express your opinion. After you love it for 5 seconds, then you can share why you think it can’t work. But work on not immediately shutting down the other party.
Here’s some sample scenarios of how to do this:
- You really want to go to Hawaii: You bring up the idea and your significant other says, “OMG that sounds amazing! A getaway sounds great! However, money has been tight since we bought the new car and I really don’t have a lot of vacation saved up. Maybe we can start saving now, and try to go next year!”.
- You’ve been thinking of going back to school: You bring up the idea and your significant other says, “WOW, going back to school. That sounds awesome! What do you want to study? I love the idea, but would be tough to do it right now with our schedules. But if it’s something you really want to do, I’m sure we can make it work”.
- You’re ready to have children: You bring up the idea but your significant other says, “I can’t wait to have children with you! They will be so cute! But I just don’t think I’m ready for children right now. It has nothing to do with you, at the moment I am just super focused on my school/career and I want to feel like I’m ready to take on that responsibility when we do have children”.
By putting into practice the “love a new idea for 5 seconds” rule, you don’t deflate the enthusiasm of your significant other. Instead, you address their excitement on the idea, while still communicating your concerns. This way, your significant other is better able to hear what you have to say without feeling hurt or angry. Now go, give it a try!
Day 20: I challenge you to think of 5 things your significant other has done recently and THANK him/her for it
Remember how I said giving compliments is like a verbal ray of sunshine? Well then thanking someone (even if it’s for something small!) is like seeing a rainbow after a spring shower. It warms your heart and makes you feel lucky someone saw it so it didn’t go unnoticed.
I don’t think we give thanks enough. There is always something to be thankful for.
Day 21: I challenge you to give your list of the Top 5 Reasons You Love Your Significant Other (from Day 4) to your significant other
Welcome to the last day of the 21-day love challenge! How sad. ? But I am SO excited you’ve made it this far! Are some of the challenge ideas starting to create a habit? I hope so!
Are you ready for the last challenge? Let’s begin! Remember that list you wrote back on Day 4? As a final act of kindness, give that list to your significant other (and maybe write another so you have a copy!).
Get creative with your gift giving! Dress it up a little. Wrap it up in a box and give it as a surprise. Take your significant other out to dinner and show them the list. Whatever you decide to do, make sure they know they are special to you, and you even put together a list to show the reasons why. ?
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What’d you think of the 21-day love challenge? I would love to know below!